i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize