I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
