He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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