Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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