Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
