WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
