Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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