oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
