Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Randomize
