today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
