dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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