why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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