im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize