A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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