it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize