If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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