never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
