Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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