Please, let me fuck your mom
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
