She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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