she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
