THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
