He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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