we have pet lesbian snakes
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
