It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
