why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize