I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
