I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
