I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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