He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
