that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
