why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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