dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
