I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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