Your face is a jimmy john
I am puke
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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