I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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