So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
