Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
