did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
