Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
