If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
