he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
