Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
