Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
