i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
