he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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