You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize