but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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