arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
