What a fucking waste of an outfit
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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