you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
