it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
