i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
