I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
