it hurts more in the daytime
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
