Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
