This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
