cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
