You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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