I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
