How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
