Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
