Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
