Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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