Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That accounts for only three of the penises
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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