unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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