Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
