Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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