I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
