I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
