I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she peed on how many people?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
