I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
he just fucked me for my cheese..
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
