He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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