you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
