im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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