i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize