I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
