Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
