No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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