Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
