Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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