Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
