I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
