I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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