Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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