is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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