my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
