she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
