Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
