wat bout pragnant strippers??
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
