Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
