This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
