I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
