she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize