Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
