I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
