the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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