it wasn't lemon gatorade
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
