hotel room ftw
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
