Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
