I accidentally had phone sex last night
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
