Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
