As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I want to be your penis for a week.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
