Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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