This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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