Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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