so explain again why im purple
no
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
