We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My balls are so social today.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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