what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
